6 comments«12»anonymous readerReport 2011-08-10 23:05:17As they say more please!!!anonymous readerReport 2010-09-15 09:35:32This is a great story!! 6 comments«12»anonymous readerReport 2011-08-10 23:05:17As they say more please!!!anonymous readerReport 2010-09-15 09:35:32This is a great story!! Indian xxx hd It kind of sounds like a middle schooler is writing it a bit. Also, I like how you added paragraphs in this one, but you still had that massive chunk of an ending, Try splitting it up and adding more detail.«12» Also, I like how you added paragraphs in this one, but you still had that massive chunk of an ending, Try splitting it up and adding more detail.«12» It kind of sounds like a middle schooler is writing it a bit. Also, I like how you added paragraphs in this one, but you still had that massive chunk of an ending, Try splitting it up and adding more detail.«12» It kind of sounds like a middle schooler is writing it a bit. Sorry if that’s a bit harsh. Also, I like how you added paragraphs in this one, but you still had that massive chunk of an ending, Try splitting it up and adding more detail.«12» And i can’t even tell whos talking half the time i can barly read this 1/10READERReport 2006-09-15 18:47:39Not bad, although you need to improve the wording and the typos in your story, that’d make it much smoother to
